WARNING: deep emotional topic.

Ok, so I know it's a little morbid of a topic, but over the last week I have been busy getting our information ready to create our will. We have a friend who is an attorney and was able to help us get everything in writing and legal. Now, don't get excited,we don't have anything of value, so it's not really for that purpose, but we wanted to be sure that P would be taken care of in the event of a worst case scenario. If you haven't done a will and need a good lawyer to handle it let me know, ours is great! If you have done this already- lend me some advice.
We thought we had everything figured out and met with our Lawyer who threw us a wrench. An alternate guardian, in case our primary passes before we do. Now, it's not a necessary part to file the will, or finish it, but we would have to change it and pay an additional fee if something were to happen to that primary person. So, how do you choose a guardian? There are a lot, I mean a LOT, of links online to give you information on what information to take into consideration but they all pretty much say the same thing, the same lists. parenting styles, religious beliefs, emotional and physical ability to care for a child, would your child have to move far away, do they have children of their own already? None seem all the difficult to answer and agree or disagree with, but again, it's your child and who could raise them better than you. It's a much easier questions of whom would you NOT want to raise your child- that's easy, a million people come to mind (many from history who are long dead), but you get my point. It's never easy to think about who would you really want to raise your child if you & your spouse weren't able to.
I am a firm believer in that we have people in our lives who are put there for a reason, a purpose. Some stay for a lifetime, some stay until you don't need them anymore, some will be with you forever; even if it's just a memory. I have met many people and have had some of the greatest friends. I think fondly of them, I love them, miss them, had a great time with them, and when we get together we still have fun. But does that mean that's who should raise my child if something were to happen.
Now I know the likely hood of something happening to my husband and I at the same time is super slim, just as I know that it would be even more unlikely that our primary choice wouldn't be able to rise to the occasion. BUT- WHAT IF??? that's what a will is all about right, we pay a huge amount of money in the hopes that we will never need it. But, in the event that we do, we want it to be wrapped up nicely in a bow.
Nothing is that simple- you are asking your child, who just lost their parents- the only life they ever knew- to accept a HUGE change. and everyone else involved too. There will be bumps along the way, there will be heartache, and change, and frustration, and all that goes along with losing a loved one. We can't expect it to be an easy road, even if we are finished traveling it.
I am not afraid of dying, as I know who waits for me in Heaven; My Father- God. I am afraid of what damage I may cause when I go to those around me. I am young and in good health, so is J, but....well you know. So, if any of you are still with me- what are the most important traits you have listed for someone else to fill your shoes? Is it better for them to already have kids- so they have a board to jump off of, or is it better to have them be empty Nester's?- or no kids at all. Will P get a fair shake as the "added child", or will he always feel second rate- even if he's not treated as such. Have any of you had to live with someone else because your parents weren't able to care for you? Temporary or Permanently? How do you think that affected the way you are today? Is it the same as being a foster kid who finally gets adopted into a family with children already? I know I am rambling, and for that all I can say is, it's my journal, so I can.

Good Bye and God Bless